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How to Cook a Turkey

-or-

“Baste makes Waste”

paraphrased from an article by Lori Miller Fox

Parents of children with special needs are all too aware of differences. Because of this, they get especially tired of being asked to keep up with other people's expectations. Finding the time or the patience to entertain for holidays, for example, is one luxury they can't always afford; however, many choose to spend their time in just this way – and they deserve to be applauded. So, to all the parents of special needs kids reading this, spend the holidays (heck spend every day) in a way that is right for you and your family. If you want to entertain, do so – your way. Whether you go out, cook, or carry in, always bring laughter to the table.

Some turkey-cooking methods—

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How an unfit school nurse cooks a turkey – Says it doesn't look right and sends it home.

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How closed-minded case managers cook turkeys – Get everyone together in a big room, ask for everyone's opinion, and then cook it the way they planned to all along.

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How an uncooperative Special Education Director cooks a turkey – Argues with you that you don't need a turkey.

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How a lazy teacher cooks a turkey – Leaves it raw and hopes, when it’s covered with enough gravy, no one will notice.

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How a hostile teacher cooks a turkey – turns the heat up too high until it melts down, then, throws it out.

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How a school bus driver cooks a turkey – Starts late, goes too fast, and then loses it in the oven.

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How an unqualified school occupational therapist cooks a turkey – Doesn't cook the whole turkey, just cooks the wings.

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How an incompetent school psychologist cooks a turkey – Says it does not lend itself to cooking, and then blames it on the bird.

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How disinterested general education providers cook a turkey – Cook a ham, they do not know how to cook a turkey and it is not their job to learn how to cook a turkey.

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How aloof Superintendents cook a turkey – Have it catered, because they don’t want to get their hands dirty.

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How an inadequate school speech therapist cooks a turkey – Doesn't care what it tastes like, as long as it's swallowed.

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How aides cook a turkey – Make sure that the turkey does not irritate the teachers, staff, or other students while it's cooking.

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How inept school Physical Therapists cook a turkey – They don’t. They just can't get their minds off why it doesn't have good head control.

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How an inferior transition coordinator cooks a turkey – Why bother? The side dishes are good enough.

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How a reluctant tech team cooks a turkey – It never gets started. They're still evaluating which is the most effective way, gas or electric.

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How a good teacher cooks a turkey – Cuts it up into bite-size pieces and cooks them separately to each child's individual taste.

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How parents of special needs children cook a turkey – Cook a turkey? Yeah, like they have that kind of time! (And hats off to all of you who find the time to do just that.)

Happy Holidays to all (whatever you celebrate!), especially to the caring, knowledgeable providers who are complete opposites of those described above.

 

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